Squash and a Squeeze

Based on A Squash and a Squeeze, written by Julia Donaldson and illustrated by Alex Scheffler.

There once was a director
With a budget so small.
All the business expenses
Did not fit at all

Her immediate reports
Gave their updates each week
They all did their best
But the budget did leak

So she tossed them all out
In despair and frustration
And called her consultant
To fix her situation

"Your plight is quite common"
The consultant assured
"Outsource support work;
it's cheaper offshored"

With support teams all gone, the knowledge left too
Her cheaper suppliers didn't know what to do.

The director cried out "Oh what shall I do?
My base line work costings have increased by two!
I was hoping you'd fix my woe with one peek
My budget has still got a leak!"

"I have now looked deeper"
Said the consultant, flat rate
"Outsource your network
I've a contact who's great"

The network team left, and though cheaper at first
The costs rose fast once their bandwidth use burst

The director cried out "Now what's this I see?
My operating expenses have expanded, times three!
I follow your advice, but our outlook is bleak
My budget has still got a leak!"

The consultant said "Ah!"
And he added, pro-rata
"Dev teams in-house? Bah!
Externals work faster!"

The devs said goodbye, and left things as they stood
The contractors made changes... but none of them good

The director cried out "Dev's been kicked out the door
But the expenses have grown by a factor of four!
Maybe your thinking could do with a tweak
My budget has still got a leak!"

The consultant then proved, 
with PowerPointâ„¢ galore
That "Internal ops teams?
So two thousand and four"

Soon the ops team was gone, servers moved to the cloud
Five 9s went away, even just one's allowed!

The director cried out "Surely one server's alive
No uptime, but costs have balloned up by five!"
My faith in your company's starting to creak
My budget has still got a leak!"

The consultant smiled widely
"Gartner's dropped a bomb
Security's better
When it's by a dot com!"

Shaking their heads sadly, security went out the door
No reviews and no patches? Trust fell through the floor

The director cried out "We lost our green ticks!
Add in corporate fines, our ledger's deep sixed!
I have no more confidence in your technique
My budget has still got a leak!"

Said remaining managers
"We've found this report"
That sans-specific end goals
Consulting's a rort!"

So she hired back security, patches were released
"Huh" said the director "the fines have decreased!"

Back came the ops and the devs, both together
"DevOps" said the director "the name's even better!"

Network returned and blow-outs predicted
"Wow" said the director "bandwidth's unrestricted!"

Taking back headphones, the support team reseated
"Budget blowout?" said the director "It's been defeated"

Smiling at her ledger later that night
With one line item missing, the budget alright
Finances altered, the teams all on board
Internal trust rose and income had soared
Her journey had come back to where it began
"But next time" she said "We first start with a plan."