Squash and a Squeeze
Based on A Squash and a Squeeze, written by Julia Donaldson and illustrated by Alex Scheffler.
There once was a director With a budget so small. All the business expenses Did not fit at all Her immediate reports Gave their updates each week They all did their best But the budget did leak So she tossed them all out In despair and frustration And called her consultant To fix her situation "Your plight is quite common" The consultant assured "Outsource support work; it's cheaper offshored" With support teams all gone, the knowledge left too Her cheaper suppliers didn't know what to do. The director cried out "Oh what shall I do? My base line work costings have increased by two! I was hoping you'd fix my woe with one peek My budget has still got a leak!" "I have now looked deeper" Said the consultant, flat rate "Outsource your network I've a contact who's great" The network team left, and though cheaper at first The costs rose fast once their bandwidth use burst The director cried out "Now what's this I see? My operating expenses have expanded, times three! I follow your advice, but our outlook is bleak My budget has still got a leak!" The consultant said "Ah!" And he added, pro-rata "Dev teams in-house? Bah! Externals work faster!" The devs said goodbye, and left things as they stood The contractors made changes... but none of them good The director cried out "Dev's been kicked out the door But the expenses have grown by a factor of four! Maybe your thinking could do with a tweak My budget has still got a leak!" The consultant then proved, with PowerPoint™ galore That "Internal ops teams? So two thousand and four" Soon the ops team was gone, servers moved to the cloud Five 9s went away, even just one's allowed! The director cried out "Surely one server's alive No uptime, but costs have balloned up by five!" My faith in your company's starting to creak My budget has still got a leak!" The consultant smiled widely "Gartner's dropped a bomb Security's better When it's by a dot com!" Shaking their heads sadly, security went out the door No reviews and no patches? Trust fell through the floor The director cried out "We lost our green ticks! Add in corporate fines, our ledger's deep sixed! I have no more confidence in your technique My budget has still got a leak!" Said remaining managers "We've found this report" That sans-specific end goals Consulting's a rort!" So she hired back security, patches were released "Huh" said the director "the fines have decreased!" Back came the ops and the devs, both together "DevOps" said the director "the name's even better!" Network returned and blow-outs predicted "Wow" said the director "bandwidth's unrestricted!" Taking back headphones, the support team reseated "Budget blowout?" said the director "It's been defeated" Smiling at her ledger later that night With one line item missing, the budget alright Finances altered, the teams all on board Internal trust rose and income had soared Her journey had come back to where it began "But next time" she said "We first start with a plan."