Explaining: DRM Using Greek Mythology

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Digital Rights Management has always had more basis in faith than science. Media companies cling to it as holy doctrine, quoting scripture and verse about fiscal damage caused by a single shared song that impacts the studio's bottom line with a Fibonnacian acceleration. Even their own publicising of evidence to the contrary fails to deter their conviction1. The only reasonable response, then, is to approach the issue on their terms. Therefor, I shall explain Digital Rights Management using Greek Mythology2.

People are expected to pray to deities. They have a number of deities to chose from, each with their own spheres of influence, zEAus for example had dominion over Games3 and Apple-o was in charge of Music4. Praying to the deities cannot conclusively be proven or disproven to have any effect on the prayer-givers, thus being the first example of the customers being the product and not the client. Fire was controlled thanks to a strict, yet simple, Direct Religious Manifestation (DRM) called a Lightning Bolt, which struck where it willed with the whim of the gods. One of the Titans not sentenced to Hades5, named Anonymetheus6 stole the secret of fire, removed the DRM, and proceeded to share it via all networks available. Being reasonable deities, and knowing Anonymetheus was behind the theft, the pantheon responded practically by targeting Anonymetheus compatriots - humans - sending yet more advanced DRM via an early prototype of the Trojan horse - Pandora's .JAR7. Opening this .JAR resulted in all the evils that plague humanity to be unleashed8

So now that we have an analogue for the current situation, what happens next?

  • Anonymetheus doesn't warn zEAus of an ill-advised tryst, their 'merger' resulting in another demi-god9
  • Anonymetheus gets chained down with an Angry Bird until he's rescued by one of zEAus' previous 'outputs'
  • Anonymetheus and zEAus settle their differences.
  • New pantheon start-ups successfully get a kick-start into effectiveness, claiming most of the pantheon's worshipers and the gods are reduced to Disney movies.

Therefore, using the media's own preferred logic of abject faith and absence of facts, the emotive10 course is to titan your belts and return your focus on to why people were devout to you in the first place. Tend the places of worship11 and watch over your flock. If the sand shows one set of footprints, and those footprints are headed towards a cliff, don't be surprised when suddenly there are many footprints going in the direction of away.

  1. Plenty of evidence ↩︎

  2. Very badly ↩︎

  3. And the sky, perhaps indicating the desire for cloud-computing ↩︎

  4. And plagues, making for a virus free platform ↩︎

  5. Titans fathered the gods, gods deposed Titans and sent them to hell, thus reality TV was made inevitable ↩︎

  6. Well, the Titans were legion ↩︎

  7. Look it up ↩︎

  8. Always on internet requirements, license keys, non-transferrable item codes, twenty minutes of unskippable copyright warnings, etc. etc. etc. ↩︎

  9. Demi-god? sub-sidiary?12 ↩︎

  10. As much as this is a logical discussion, logic seems to be media companies' kryptonite ↩︎

  11. Whatever platform, genre or skill ↩︎

  12. OK, that was tenuous ↩︎

Professor von Explaino